Diary of a Crazy Red-Head

A prayer

I haven't blogged in so long. Trying to work out life's challenges and still have moments of freedom. My aunt once told me, once you have children there is no "me time". You have commited to raising them and your time will come later. And as a Christian, I feel it my responsbility to tend to my parents. It's a commandment, not a recommendation. So I keep very busy but once I started giving up the things that I thought I had to do to the things that just need to get done, life got better.

I received this email. It's a prayer from Bill Graham. It's so relevant for our society. We need Jesus. We need love. We need less selfishness. We need kindness. We need to get a grip on reality (not reality tv) and realize our purpose.

Billy Graham's Prayer For Our Nation

'Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance.  We know Your Word says, 'Woe to those who call evil good,' but that is exactly what we have done.  We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values. We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery. We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare..  We have killed our unborn and called it choice. We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.  We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem.  We have abused power and called it politics... We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition..  We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression.  We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.  Search us, Oh God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and Set us free. Amen!'

Change Your Thinking

I haven't updated my blog in weeks. I have been "looking through my window". Our society will only change if people are willing to take that first step. This was sent to me by my dear friend, Cari. Please paste and post and try to get the word out that we CAN change our society and it's selfish thinking.

Change Your Thinking 

It will take just 37 seconds to read this and change your thinking. 
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. 

One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.

His bed was next to the room's only window. 

The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. 

The men talked for hours on end. 

They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation..

Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. 

Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene. 

One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.

Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days, weeks and months passed. 


One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. 
She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away. 

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. 

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. 
He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed. 

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. 

She said, 'Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.' 

Epilogue: 

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.

Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled. 

If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.

'Today is a gift, that is why it is called The Present.'

The origin of this letter is unknown, but it brings good luck to everyone who passes it on.

Check Check

Just popped in to check on posts past and thought I would say awhile.

10 things about my life as of today:

1. I had 6 Diet Cokes today. 1 Coffee. 0 Water. Hence, my toes are looking more like sausages.

2. I stayed in my PJs all day. Troll behavior is surfacing.

3. I didn't leave my house except to go to the garage.

4. Alexis and I have created a monster with Farm Town and that okay...we are having fun together and that's priceless.

5. My dad wants me to go to a MLM meeting. Now I know he isn't feeling well.

6. I would like to buy a cabin and spent one weekend a month there. Alone. Or maybe a hotel that's close. I think I really miss alone time and refreshing my brain is good for the soul.

7. My pool is green. And the pool broom is at the bottom.

8. We need groceries. And propane.

9. I need a manicure...soon.

10. I don't want to go to bed because I have had an anxiety attack 2 nights in a row. So here I am.

Other things I noticed this week:

People at the mall are rude. I hate going to the mall.

Crab Puffs from China Rainbow are really good.

I can make a decent crab cake.

I seem to be on a crab kick.

I have gone 2 weeks without watching the news.

Mike Rowe still makes me excited.

After 15  years of marriage, John finally is watching football with me.

If you hold the door open for old people, it makes you feel good inside.

I don't use eye drops nearly as often as I should.

I am sad our local, family owned nursery is going out of business. 30 years and 2009 broke them. Good-bye Sunset.

Randomness

Well, hello peaches!  I am doing fabulous. Working really hard on the balance. Some days I fail, some days I feel like a pro. My to do list is huge and that's okay. I would never expect it to be finish. And no I haven't had any Valium today....yet LOL

I found this on Wiki HoW:

How to Wake up Happy Every Morning

Wake up feeling good. It's a new day and you have much to look forward to. You are happy and you know it.

1. Wake up with a smile on your face. Today is a new day. There are opportunities and blessings waiting for you. Open up your heart to receive them. Look on the bright side of the day. You are going to meet people today that will respond to your smile, your small acts of kindness. Be willing to take time to listen to someone, to visit someone, to call someone on the phone.
2. Approach people you meet with love. Look upon people as mirrors of yourself. They have the same needs, the same desires and the same troubles. Be a companion on the journey. Love them as you would yourself.
3. Believe that something wonderful will happen for you today. The universe is waiting to bestow blessings on you. You were born to be happy. Life is to be enjoyed and you are to spread that joy. So begin by believing in goodness and good things will happen to you.
4. Live for today. Today is all you have. Each hour. Each minute provides opportunities to be happy. Savor the moments of each day. Enjoy your coffee. Greet your neighbors. Let someone go in front of you in line at the grocery store. Be compassionate toward everyone you meet.
5. Throw caution to the wind. Do the right thing. Love the person you are with. Do not be afraid to tell someone how you feel. Real people change the world and real people are not afraid to feel.
6. Finish your day in thanksgiving. Be grateful for all the good things you experienced during the day.
7. Always remind yourself to be happy the next day, and the day after that and so on

Tips

• Believe in yourself more than others do in you, as sometimes you have a lot of negatives around you. Do not doubt your goodness.
• Affirm other people. Give compliments freely. People need encouragement. So do you.
• Being happy is a great choice. Choose to be happy.

Good words to wake up by, don't you think?  

I am off to do exciting things at the Diner. It's the Diner Birthday! Yep 2 years and still going strong. The economy could be better, but I am not complaining. I am still here. My family is still here. My house is still here. Life is good.

That sick feeling

Geez, my blog has been sad lately. But I am going through life changes and challenges and I just have to get the icky out of my mind...and here it lands. Hopefully, in my wallowing, someone is saying, "gee, I feel like that sometimes too, it's good to know I am not the only one".

Today was huge for me. Alexis is starting at a co-op; two classes, American History and Writing. I am stressed beyond belief. Because of our past experience with "school", it's tremendously hard for me not to have the "throwing her to the lions" feeling. It's sad really that two teachers that lacked social and spiritual judgment were able to instill a fear in me that runs so deep. I know that most teachers love children and wouldn't interfere in a family's personal situations. But unfortunately we got the shit end of the stick...Alexis got a raw deal.

The up side to all of this is that we have been completely blessed by the homeschooling experience. Alexis is a fine, fine child. I am so entirely blessed to be her mother. So how was Alexis this morning? "Just drop me off here Mom, I will be fine". UGH. I raised a strong and confident child. She was not like that 4 years ago. And I still see days were her confidence ebbs and flows. But she is incredible.

School hadn't even started and I had been asked to volunteer. Volunteering is so important. Many hands make like work. But this time I say NO. It's a first for me. But I don't need more in my life. I have been burnt more times than I can count by volunteering. It's time for me not to raise my hand.  I work hard every day. I take care of the masses, I own a business, I am at the rink 3 days a week, I home school.  I don't have much free time and when I do I go to Facebook or here. So while Alexis is at school, I am going to use that time for catching up. If I feel like cleaning, cleaning I will do. If I feel like watching I Dream of Jeanie...bring it on. But Thursday's are officially my day to get the easy stuff done and be more free with my schedule.

Here's to Thursdays!

OK and back

It's been a very busy week...I know I always say that and one week I would like to say...wow it's been so mellow. But I am starting to realize that my life may never be calm. People have said that they think I thrive on busy. I don't think I thrive on it, I would actually like to be able to rest. But I think that I excel under pressure. It's weird, but I am getting a very hard shell and I am learning that it's okay to fight back. It's against my nature, but I have reached that point in my life that I am damn tired of being a punching bag.

So Alexis and I went to Oklahoma City for my cousin funeral. The funeral was sweet. We felt out of place even though we were surrounded by "family". I always say that my friends are my real family and the older I get the more than stands true.

I do have an adventure to tell. We could not get a non-stop to OKC, so I decided to fly to Dallas and then drive to OKC. What's life without an adventure and Alexis had never been to Texas.  So we landed in Dallas and head to the Rental Cars. Famous last words: "Surely there will be rental cars in Dallas". RUT ROOOO Believe it or not...only 12 passenger vans. Not gonna happen.

So we high tail it back to the terminal and get the last two seats from Dallas to OKC. To make a very long story short...our flight that was supposed to leave at 2:30pm, left at 5:00pm...and all but 20 minutes of that was spent on the plane...a very hot and stinky plane. But we were thankful to have ride even if it was 2 1/2 hours late and only a 35 minute journey.

So we land in OKC...famous last words: "Surely there will be rental cars in OKC". Oh crap...company #1...no, #2...no, #3...no....#4...yes! WOOHOOOO I am screaming and clapping. So which do you want, the Camaro or the Hummer? UGH...Let me think:

 

Yep Alexis and I toured Oklahoma in high style. It's actually very funny now, but it was very stressful at the time. We hit Route 66 and it was awesome. I can't wait to take the end road trip. I got so much literature. I want to do it right. I don't want to miss a single retro lovin' moment of it.

We also toured the Murrah Federal Building that was bombed in 1992. Words can't really express how you feel and what a tragic day that is in American History. But I am glad we went. I am glad Alexis got to see it. It made us realize how precious life is and how a perfectly wonderful day can change in a moment.

One thing I realized on this trip is how we pay homage to the dead and we really should start doing more homaging when people are alive. My trip to Oklahoma would have been much nicer had I had Larry's advice, had I been able to "sit a spell" with him. I was sitting next to a guy on the way home and he was traveling to Arizona to do Fantasy Football picks with his Air Force buddies. Celebrating life together now...not reflecting on the should have been. It was the "!" to my trip.

I will admit, I am a bit obsessed with death. This year I have lost 1 Uncle, 2 Cousins and 1 very dear friend of the family. Our precious years haven't been much easier. I am tired of sickness, death, that empty feeling, uncertainty about the future. But I know that each day is a gift and what I put into each day is what I will get out of it.

My Sweet Cousin

 

If you know me, you know that I can handle death fairly well. It's a fact of life that we can't change. But yesterday I received a shocking call from my dad that my sweet cousin Larry had passed. My life has been filled with so many that have had terminal illness, that I seem to have forgotten that sometimes death comes like a thief in the night. I am tremendously sad for my dad, because this has been such a difficult 2 years from him. Then to lose what he considered to be a brother...it's beyond heart breaking.

This is a LO I did last year after our annual grapefruit picking. My dad (on the left) was so fragile, in the midst of healing and chemotherapy. Yet today he lives as a testament to a strong will and just wanting to help those in need. Larry is the one in the tree. Stubborn old goat...always had to get the ones at the top because "those are the sweetest".  The easy pickin's (about 1200 grapefruit) just wasn't enough. Oh and Larry wasn't allowed to eat them. We picked for his friends. 

 I truly wish I had a picture of the three of us. These two men make me so very proud to be a Kaestner. And you can ask John...I am Kaestner. Stubborn, self sufficient, humorous, pure Kaestner. They are part of the great generation. They stand for intregrity, honesty, loyalty. Both have celebrated their 50th wedding anniversaries. These are the type of men that our men need to strive to be like.

Janaury harvest will be hard. But I will never look at a grapefruit without thinking of Larry. About how he made my daughter feel special. How he called me kid. How him and my father would reminisce about the good old days.

One of our greatest assets is our memories.

Midnight

I swear I am half vampire. I loathe bright light. So I live in Arizona, which isn't actually a great place if you don't like bright sunny days.  Actually, overcast days are worse because of the reflection of the clouds. With glaucoma, I am very sensitive to bright light. So midnight is my favorite part of the day. It's dark, quiet and usually a bit cooler. I have a playlist dedicated to the midnight hour.

The problem is, I need to sleep. With the uppage (is that a word) of my thyroid meds (because I have been a good doobie and stayed on them this time), I am wired. And when I do finally sleep, I dream crazy stuff. For instance, you know those cake challenges on the Food Network? Last night, I dreamt that they had to make marijuana cakes. Well, John and I watched some show called Marijuana Nation yesterday and some how my brain came up with Ganja Cake Challenge.

I need to figure out a way to be sleepy when I am supposed to sleep. Because I can't clean my house right now and I won't feel like doing it tomorrow when I am tired. I remember when John was working nights. I would stay up until 3am. Then sleep until 10am. Alexis was on that schedule too.

So here I sit...playing Scramble and Beweled until I am silly crazy tired.

Tuesday Smooozeday

Had a great but uber busy day today. But it was good, productive and really not alot of stress.

My Aunt sent this to me:

Four Things You Can't Recover: A stone.... after it's thrown A word.... after it's said An occasion..... after it's missed Time.... after it's gone

Things to think about. 

Here are some more photos from our San Diego trip. These are off my smaller camera.

 

Notice the bird stealing the fish. Seals and monkeys are such good entertainment.

 

Mama and the beer truck. Did you know that you can drink beer while walking around Sea World? Not a good idea on a hot summer day.

 

My Super Girl

 

Warning Nerd on stilts.

 

Don't you just love a man in tights? Which brings up a discovery. www.soulgeek.com   Find the geek of your dreams. It's serious.

 

What a disturbing trio? I am shaking. I have often woken in fear at the thought of BUTTERFLY MAN.

And I have been asked...would I go again? Absolutely, purely for entertainment value.

It lives

Here I am, dusting off the cobwebs here in my diary. Honestly, most nights I lay in bed and think...I should blog tomorrow. Then tomorrow comes and I don't really have anything exciting to report.

I guess the real reason I haven't blogged is because everything I start, I feel the negative vibe of "just tell it the way it is" and I don't live my life on negativity so why even bother expressing my feelings, but let's face it...times are tough.

I was talking with one of my sweet friends about how everyone seems to be in a pissy mood lately. Everywhere you go, people are on edge. It's the hardest when it is people that are in your circle. Because you expect them to know what's going on in your life and show a little kindness. But everyone seems to be struggling and our own worries veto anything that you might have going on. Next thing you know, you are feeling beat up even by those that say they love you.

I used to have a poster in my laundry room at the old house. It had a saying that was basically, some people come into our lives for a brief moment and others linger with us for life time and how their interaction affects us forever.

Today a woman came up to Alexis at the rink and told her how beautiful she was on the ice. WOW! I love this woman. She not only said something very kind but she took the time to do it. My daughter will remember that for a very long time.

When we were at Comic-Con, Alexis got the chance to meet a woman that writes for DC Comics.

 

This is Alexis with Gail Simone. This woman changed my daughters views on reading. And being the sappy mom I am, I thanked her for changing my daughter's life. For breathing the love of reading into her. Something I had been trying to instill for years, then along comes a comic book. Whatever the means, I am grateful.

This is it folks. This is life. We can take the high road even when the cards dealt are not what we desire. I know I am talking in third person, because I am talking to myself. I need to remind myself that life is okay. That it's okay to worry and be afraid and it's even okay to be angry, but in the end it takes the same about of effort to realize how fortunate I are.

The last couple of days I have been tremendously affected by tragic stories. Loved one lost, brutality of innocent people, heck I was even pissed to see the paparazzi in Brittany Spears face. Leave her alone and let her figure life out. There are people out there tonight hurting, lonely, sick, considering the worst. But life has so very much to offer. It doesn't always come on a silver platter. The victory is sweeter when the battle is more challenging.

So I could dwell on the mile long of things that bug the crap out of me right now or I savor the goodness that surrounds me. I choose to remind myself that the things that truly make me happy aren't things but Alexis' sweet smile, Johnny's embrace, my parents enduring love, the laughter of my friends, Roxie's adoration for me...and yes, even Mafia Wars. LOL Which I guess technically is a thing, but whatevah.

It is said that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Tomorrow, I will take that step. The step of making a difference in someone else's life. The step of not dwelling of those that hurt me, but on those that make my life worth the living.